I logged off a little irritated last night because of strange misunderstandings that spun out of control and caused a guild member to abandon a raid and leave the guild entirely. Honestly, I was stunned and confused as to what was happening. What was even worse was discovering that I had unwittingly played a part in causing this falling out.
Our guild has two pretty solid 10 man raiding teams. Both these teams were successful in Burning Crusade. We’re still waiting on some folks to get to level 80 or get some gear and hope to start up the teams again in the New Year. Until then the guild has been hosting some 25 man BC raiding events as well as some 10 man Naxxramus runs that include a little from both teams.
I did sign up for the Naxx runs but opted out of the first because of the overload of interest. I was lucky enough to attend the second run when someone had to work. From what I understand, these raids didn’t cause the problems.
The problems stemmed from the lack of participation in the 25 man raids that were scheduled. Specifically lack of participation from the raiding team of which I am a member. I know a couple from my raiding team had signed up but the majority of us didn’t for varied reasons. Most of the reasons I think stem from it being the holidays and a rather busy time of year.
For my part, I had declined the invitation from the get go to let the raid leader know not to expect me. I generally do not enjoy 25 man raids. Since they were doing older dungeons, I assumed it was just a guild run for fun to look in some of the dungeons we had missed. I personally wasn’t interested in it and would rather spend my evening working on random tasks or running a heroic or two. It was a personal choice and one I thought I was free to make.
This is where the misunderstanding came in. Because so many from my team had declined to attend these 25 man raids, the belief started that members of this team were rather snobbish in that we wouldn’t run raids with the other team. I don’t know why one would jump to that conclusion but that’s where it went. The claim that one raid team doesn’t like the other raid team is complete false.
I believe Keste and I compounded the problem because we declined the invite and then would be online doing other things while they raided. It was probably viewed that “we could be with you guys but would rather do anything else”, which honestly wasn’t the case. Keste and I like to do things together and he chose to hang out with me. Had he wanted to raid he would have been free to do so.
Misunderstandings just get worse when the offended person refuses to speak up to the people doing them harm. I had not heard a peep from anyone that my behavior was adding to this vibe. I say adding as I’m just one piece of the 10 people he was accusing of this activity. Had I been asked why I’m declining 25 man raids when I am online and available I would have explained. As things were I didn’t see a reason to explain as to why I didn’t want to attend a level 70 “for fun” run which is what I believed them to be.
Instead the poor guild leader got horrible accounts of the villains who weren’t playing nicely with others. Luckily, our guild leader was willing to listen to the other side and agreed that folks like me had a right to opt out of the raiding runs. Our refusal wasn’t out of competition, anger, spite or dislike for the other team. In fact, I didn’t view the runs as the “other team”. I thought it a guild run and open to anyone within dungeon level. It never crossed my mind that not attending would spark such feelings.
I sent everyone on the other raiding team a rose and a letter letting them know that I do like them and would be willing to run any dungeon with them. Hopefully it is received in the playful manner that I sent it and clear up any doubts about my loyalties to my guildees as a whole.
For the person who left, I did apologize to the officers on the forum for my involvement in causing him to leave even if I wasn’t aware I was doing it. I also offered to speak to him directly to apologize to him for the misconception and try to explain my absences from the 25 man raids.
People just need to learn to speak up and to the proper people when they have an issue. Goodness knows people hear it from me when I have an issue! Perhaps because I am so vocal it makes miscommunications like this harder for me to grasp.
I’m a big bundle of out of control hormones these days but at the foundation I believe I am a pretty logical person. If you have a question or issue with me, please do not hesitate to talk to me about it! It is way better than assuming the worst and ending up feeling like you need to leave the guild over it.
Our guild has two pretty solid 10 man raiding teams. Both these teams were successful in Burning Crusade. We’re still waiting on some folks to get to level 80 or get some gear and hope to start up the teams again in the New Year. Until then the guild has been hosting some 25 man BC raiding events as well as some 10 man Naxxramus runs that include a little from both teams.
I did sign up for the Naxx runs but opted out of the first because of the overload of interest. I was lucky enough to attend the second run when someone had to work. From what I understand, these raids didn’t cause the problems.
The problems stemmed from the lack of participation in the 25 man raids that were scheduled. Specifically lack of participation from the raiding team of which I am a member. I know a couple from my raiding team had signed up but the majority of us didn’t for varied reasons. Most of the reasons I think stem from it being the holidays and a rather busy time of year.
For my part, I had declined the invitation from the get go to let the raid leader know not to expect me. I generally do not enjoy 25 man raids. Since they were doing older dungeons, I assumed it was just a guild run for fun to look in some of the dungeons we had missed. I personally wasn’t interested in it and would rather spend my evening working on random tasks or running a heroic or two. It was a personal choice and one I thought I was free to make.
This is where the misunderstanding came in. Because so many from my team had declined to attend these 25 man raids, the belief started that members of this team were rather snobbish in that we wouldn’t run raids with the other team. I don’t know why one would jump to that conclusion but that’s where it went. The claim that one raid team doesn’t like the other raid team is complete false.
I believe Keste and I compounded the problem because we declined the invite and then would be online doing other things while they raided. It was probably viewed that “we could be with you guys but would rather do anything else”, which honestly wasn’t the case. Keste and I like to do things together and he chose to hang out with me. Had he wanted to raid he would have been free to do so.
Misunderstandings just get worse when the offended person refuses to speak up to the people doing them harm. I had not heard a peep from anyone that my behavior was adding to this vibe. I say adding as I’m just one piece of the 10 people he was accusing of this activity. Had I been asked why I’m declining 25 man raids when I am online and available I would have explained. As things were I didn’t see a reason to explain as to why I didn’t want to attend a level 70 “for fun” run which is what I believed them to be.
Instead the poor guild leader got horrible accounts of the villains who weren’t playing nicely with others. Luckily, our guild leader was willing to listen to the other side and agreed that folks like me had a right to opt out of the raiding runs. Our refusal wasn’t out of competition, anger, spite or dislike for the other team. In fact, I didn’t view the runs as the “other team”. I thought it a guild run and open to anyone within dungeon level. It never crossed my mind that not attending would spark such feelings.
I sent everyone on the other raiding team a rose and a letter letting them know that I do like them and would be willing to run any dungeon with them. Hopefully it is received in the playful manner that I sent it and clear up any doubts about my loyalties to my guildees as a whole.
For the person who left, I did apologize to the officers on the forum for my involvement in causing him to leave even if I wasn’t aware I was doing it. I also offered to speak to him directly to apologize to him for the misconception and try to explain my absences from the 25 man raids.
People just need to learn to speak up and to the proper people when they have an issue. Goodness knows people hear it from me when I have an issue! Perhaps because I am so vocal it makes miscommunications like this harder for me to grasp.
I’m a big bundle of out of control hormones these days but at the foundation I believe I am a pretty logical person. If you have a question or issue with me, please do not hesitate to talk to me about it! It is way better than assuming the worst and ending up feeling like you need to leave the guild over it.
2 comments:
I'm sorry to hear you're having problems :( I totally understand though. For me, and for many of my guildies, going to the person that's causing you trouble isn't always an option. It's sad, really. Tensions are running so high lately that to go to someone over a problem would cause more problems. It could be me, however, because I tend to come across wrong or have trouble explaining myself.
I hope you get it worked out, Desdarii. :)
Des,
I understand your points and agree with them. If I have a problem I always go the the person and try to talk it out. As for the 25 man raids, I know two of "Our team" Were almost always on them and I jumped in here or there. As did a few of the others. Now I have heard of your dislike for 25-40 man raids before so I could totally understand. I also agree with you on them. For me though I will do them here or there for fun but everyweek gets to me so I opt out here and there. I hope everything works out in the end, and for those that refuse to talk and work it out ::shrug:: thats their issue then. An open hand for dialogue should be responded to.
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